


True words - true feelings

by Madita1908



Category: Blindspot (TV)
Genre: Comfort, Episode Related, F/M, Friendship, Helping, LET'S TALK ABOUT FEELINGS, Maybe out of character, Memories, Mention of the team, Repata, Season 2, Tea, They are humans, They love each other, childhood mention, episode 09, listening, rapata, talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-17 02:55:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11266476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madita1908/pseuds/Madita1908
Summary: Tasha and Nas have a small talk about feelings at a cup of tea.





	True words - true feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there!  
> Welcome to my second Story! I don't know from where this idea comes, but I think it turns out OK.  
> Please note, that this is my first time I write in English (my other story is a translation).  
> A speacial thanks to Zaffie, who read this before and correct it for me! Thank you so much! 
> 
> Have fun!

As Nas went down the corridor to Weller’s office, she looked into the lunch room she passed.  
There were usually a few agents sitting there drinking coffee, but now there was only one person sitting at the small table. And Nas knew the person who was sitting there. It was FBI Agent Zapata, who appeared to be deep in her own thoughts.  
The last time Nas had seen the agent was in the midst of the remains of the ruins of the building. The FBI Agent had been sitting on the ground, head in her hands, possibly crying, until a paramedic had come to her. Zapata had gone to the hospital with Reade, Weller had told her that later, but why was Zapata here now?

Without thinking, Kamal went into the room, just to Zapata. She sat down beside her and watched the other woman, who stirred the tea in her cup, and didn’t seem to notice her presence. After a while, Kamal decided to talk: “How are you?”  
Zapata didn’t respond. Kamal observed the dark-haired woman for a short time. She looked a bit tired, a little pale, and some blood had dried on her skin. It seems as if she hadn’t found the time to exchange the dirty clothes for clean.  
“Nothing I couldn’t handle,” Tasha answered in a tired voice. “And you?”  
“I’m okay, thanks. I don't know you like tea" Kamal said, pointing on the teabag beside Tasha’s cup.  
Tasha didn’t reply directly. Sure, she wasn’t a tea drinker like Reade was, but sometimes she tried it.  
“Reade says I’m drinking too much coffee,” she finally managed to say.  
"So, you're just trying tea," Kamal said, and she got up again and made her own cup of tea before she sat down again. "I did not like tea as a child," she said, "My grandfather always brewed very strong tea. It tasted terrible."  
Once more, the FBI Agent didn’t answer, so Nas continued to talk, trying to break the ice between them. “I have always put almost half a sugar packet in my cup. After that I was always behaved a squirrel”  
Tasha raised an eyebrow, but didn’t looked up. “Better a squirrel than a hyperactive toddler on a sugar rush,” she said. “I’m like a hyperactive toddler when I’ve had too much coffee. That's what Reade tells me all the time.” After she had said this, a small smile appeared on her trembling lips and disappeared almost directly.  
“You really like him, right? How is he?”  
"Of course, I like him, he’s my best friend. The nurses don’t want to tell me in what condition he’s in, they sent me home to take a shower and change.”  
“Then why are you here?” Nas asked and took a sip from her tea.  
"The FBI was a stone’s throw from the hospital." Tasha grimaced when she tried her tea - it wasn't to her taste, but she swallowed it, instead of spitting it out, as she usually did. _"Really Tash, that is not nice!"_ She heard Reade’s voice in her head. A lump formed in her throat, and she could feel the rising tears in her eyes, but tried to pull herself together. She wouldn’t cry in front of Kamal! Reade had always teased her about ordinary things, like her passion for coffee or her behaviour, but that was a game between them, and they liked to play it. How would she manage without Reade's daily teasing? Perhaps her world would turn grey. She couldn't play the happy, strong woman anymore. Maybe she would end up like her mother. God, she was already thinking about that!

The silence lay like a heavy blanket over the room and the two women drank the tea. Tasha drifted deeper into her own thoughts. She thought of everything that had happened today. _Everyone from this team could have died today. Weller could have died. Reade might die during surgery. Nas could have died. Hell, I could have died! Agents died!_  
And the time in the hospital had been like a flashback of her childhood. At first, she was allowed to be at Reade’s side, but when the nurses had taken him down for the surgery, she wasn’t allowed to wait at the waiting rooms of the operating room.  
She had felt like a child again; the nurses and doctors had even spoken to her as if she were a child. As if she did not understand the situation. Surely with a concussion it wasn’t easy to catch all the medical words doctors said about Reade’s condition, but she tried her best. She was no longer the little girl who burst into tears when doctors told her that they had to pump the mother's stomach or that her mother had almost died.  
Today, she almost felt like her younger self again.

"So, you decided to come here for a shower?"  
Tasha shakes her head. "Not really. I just don’t want to be alone. I mean, I'm used to sitting in a hospital waiting room, but this is different” She begins to thought about Reade’s words. _“Do you know how much I love you? I really love you, Tasha.”_ Why did he had said that? Because of the drugs, they'd given him? Because he was scared? Because…it was the truth? His feelings for her? She didn’t know the answer, and wasn’t sure if she wanted to know. She wasn’t sure if she could handle it.

“Nobody should have to get used to that.”  
Zapata looked up – right into Kamal’s dark eyes. She suddenly had the urge to talk to somebody, but was Nas the right person? Maybe she should talk to Patterson – but she didn't know where Patterson was right now.  
So, Tasha simply started to talk: "Sometimes you have no choice. My mother developed a drinking problem after my father left us, it was like a black hole that consumed her. In the beginning, she began to drank at night, when my brother and I were asleep. After weeks, she began the day with alcohol. Most of my childhood I spent with her in hospitals when my brother was in school. And no one told me a word about my mother's condition.” She looked away from the NSA Agent and began to play restlessly with her fingers. She didn’t want pity, she just needed to tell somebody what she felt! She needed to talk.  
“That must have been really hard for you,” Nas answered softly. “And now Reade’s in the hospital, and it’s bringing up old memories?” Nas couldn’t imagine how it must have felt to have an always drunk parent. She did not want to imagine how Tasha felt at the time. How that influenced her personality and everything in her life.  
"That's how it feels, my mother didn’t recognize me. I didn’t tell anyone, so I was alone. Even the nurses today refused to speak to me about Reade's condition - that makes me angry. They looked at me as if I were a lost child. But now I’m not alone, I think. I don’t want to lose Reade. He’s not just my best friend, he’s like a brother for me! He doesn’t judge me when I mess things up or build crap. I trust him the most! Reade was the one who brought me to the FBI. I don’t know what I would do if he hadn't. I don't know what happens to me, if he dies. I would have lost another partner. And I don’t want to feel that way again. He’s family to me." The despair in her voice grew with every word and her body began slightly to tremble.  
Nas was surprised to hear that. She didn’t think Tasha was the sort of person who spoke openly about her private life or her feelings. But now she could see the real Tasha Zapata, an emotional woman who cared more about her partner than about herself. In this new light, Nas slowly began to understand some of Tasha's actions. She began to understand the scepticism of Zapata.

She didn’t know exactly what she could say or do to cheer up the woman. _"Everything will be fine again"_ didn’t seem to fit the situation, so she didn’t say it.  
"I believe that Reade was glad to see you in the hospital when he woke up," Nas finally told Tasha with a small smile. “And you are right. You’re not alone in this. You have the team.” Carefully, she laid her hand onto the arm of the other woman, to signal her, that she wasn’t alone.  
Tasha also cracks a smile. "Maybe ... he was confused, so he didn't say much. " _He said a lot,_ she corrects herself in thoughts, _He said he loves me. But he was on drugs ... can it be the truth then? Can I take this seriously?_ Tasha looks back at her tea and her smile faded. She felt embarrassed about her own thoughts. What kind of friend was she, if she didn’t believe the words of her best friend? If she didn’t take his words seriously? “I know you’re right, but it’s not easy for me to talk about my personal life. It never was,” she added.  
As if Nas had read Tasha’s thoughts, she said, "He really likes you Tasha. When we were down there, he wanted me to tell you something if he didn’t make it, but I said he could tell you personally. I hope he says it, or maybe he already has."  
_Perhaps he said it,_ Tasha thought, _but what should I do if his "I love you" was really real, what if he were serious, would it mess things up?_   With these thoughts, her head started to feel much heavier than before. Even her heart began to beat violently when she thought of Reade's words. She couldn’t explain why her heart was beginning to beat so hard. Maybe she loves him too, and that was one of those signs that her grandmother always tells her. The FBI agent forgot that she wasn't alone in this room, and she sighed deeply before she put her head on her forearm and closed her eyes - she was done with this terrible day. One or two tears left her eyes, and at that point Tasha wasn’t interested in whether she was crying or not. She couldn’t always hide her feelings as well as the others, she wasn’t made of stone like some FBI agents.

"Maybe you should really go home, you don’t look good," Nas said again, uncertain whether her team mate was already asleep.  
"No, I'm all right," Tasha said as she raised her head again and wiped her tears with her dirty sleeves away. "I can’t go home, Reade could be out of surgery any second," she argued, and was again the stubborn agent Nas liked. Nas had much respect for Tasha; she had read her career record and was impressed by what Tasha did. In a way, Nas thought that she and Tasha were almost alike. Both had started at zero - and now they were successful.  
Nas sighed, but then offered: "If you want, I'll take care of your cell phone while you take a good long shower."  
Tasha shook her head and her hair whirled wildly around her head. "I don’t feel like I could move now, even if it's just an inch."  
"I can understand that. What about a nap?"  
This option seemed to fit Tasha more, but before she answered, her phone began to vibrate. Tasha immediately reached for the mobile phone and answered in Spanish - then changed to English when the caller told her he didn’t understand Spanish.

The call didn’t last a minute, but afterwards Tasha seemed to be on cloud nine. Her facial expression was made of pure relief, she’d started to smile once more. Finally, the Latina dropped the phone and told the NSA agent that it was the hospital, which told her that the operation had gone well.  
“That’s great! See, everything went okay,” pronounced Nas smiling. "I suppose you're going straight to the hospital?" she asked.  
“I don’t think so,” Tasha answered honestly, "they said Reade would be around an hour in the recovery room, so I can take a quick shower and exchange my clothes.” After this, the Latina took a last sip of her tea before she got up, cleaned the mug and went to the door. Before she left the room, she turned around and came back, "Thank you for ... listening, I owe you a favour."  
"I'm glad I could help," Nas replied, laughing slightly. Tasha smiled again and went out of the room. She felt a little happier with herself.

Sometimes you just had to talk to someone to make you feel better.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
